time, i hereby personify you.

dear time,

firstly, i am a huge fan, and i don't think i could live without you. but we need to talk - see you and i, we have some issues.

do you enjoy messing with our perceptions?

you're always running away when we are smiling, and you're hardly ever there when we need you. why do you pass by so quickly during times of happiness; do you lack an affinity for fun? you escape us when we are enjoying life, and to be honest, i'd rather you didn't. why can't you stay a little longer when you are wanted? is there someplace you must go? even so, can't you just go later? i dislike your ability to fly; i deem it as unfair. why is it that you can fly whilst we humans are made to remain on land - i would like to fly too, at least that way i would have a slight chance of catching up to you.

it seems you enjoy mockery and this attitude may stem from the fact that you are indeed irreplaceable.

you stay when we want you to leave. our perception is that you purposely move slower during unfortunate circumstances, and that you prolong suffering for as long as you desire. and our perception of you is in fact your reality, so you cannot deny this as false. the medium with which your world and ours collides is the clock - but whenever we try to watch you, to urge you to hurry up, you seem to go slower than ever. it is frustrating. and we know you are doing it on purpose, because when we are not attentively and meticulously watching your every move, i.e. when we sleep, you do not bother us and flash by in a second. furthermore you seem to mingle with this entity called space a lot. you're essentially inseparable, and your teamwork is so mesmerizingly complex to us humans that our attempts to interfere in your relationship are futile despite our best efforts.

but i don't not like you - no, remember i did mention i was a fan.

although you are occasionally a hindrance, you're not all that unreasonable. sure you don't listen to our demands: 'slow down', even if we ask you nicely, with a cherry, no - make that a slurpee, on top (i dislike cherries, and a sweet substitute [pun intended] would be a slurpee, which is more delectable), but at least you are considerate enough to ensure that eternity does not really exist - especially during undesirable events. that being said, your everlasting existence generates a noticeable imbalance of power - you continue to exist whilst we age and pass away. i would normally complain about this, but you do not abuse your power, which is respectable. your use of your magical healing ability is admirable; magical in the sense that it heals that which modern medicine cannot - emotional wounds and feelings. it's appreciated.

i find that we need more and more of you each day but you keep on running away.

i suppose you can't help it; you are arguably busy. you are under constant scrupulous monitoring by everyone across the world - that cannot be easy. maybe you need a break. attached is a kitkat but it seems you have made it near impossible to contact you, so i'm not sure if this letter itself will be able to break the border between the dimensions in which our respective consciousnesses exist, let alone a bar of chocolate. i guess what i want to say is that you do bring up some concerns and although your attitude is questionable at times, your presence is deeply appreciated. we can't live without you, so i would like to put it out there: although we do not have much to offer you, it would be helpful if you could be nicer to us.

please slow down, with a slurpee on top.

yours sincerely,
the human race. namely jon.

p.s. how do you survive on no sleep?

now is the winter of our discontent

"it will all work out in the end, right?
like it always has?"

i'd like to answer that with a definitive and confident statement:
'sure it will, it's never not worked out. nothing could possibly go wrong - your life isn't like that.'

i'd reflect on the past, and see things. not everything has worked out according to plan, sure, but it's not like anything terrible has happened either - in fact, most things do work out nicely, even if it wasn't planned. it's something we share in common - we're all alive, aren't we? we live in a house, with a family, we spend time with friends, we laugh, eat and play, study, work, sleep - that's all part of our lives. we're normal.

i'd look back, and i would say to myself: "it's all in the past - it's over and done, and i'm fine now, so what was the big deal?" i mean, back then it may have felt like the world had just caved in, any sense of serenity imploding on itself, the light at the end of the tunnel flickering and slowly fading. but the light never actually fades, of course. it's never that bad. we always make it through what seems like the darkest hour, and along with a good friend called time, we move on.

i'd then think, sweet. my life is spectacular - i'm alive and well, my family is amazing, and my friends are more than i could wish for. but, really, how often can you 'move on'? surely there are somethings that you can never run away from.

i'd stop for a moment, then write something down. get what i can out of my head, you know. these feelings or memories that you can't run away from, how do you know you can never escape them? how do you know if you've hit something that will end up destroying you and tearing you up from the inside out, only to pour salt all over the emotional wounds, leaving nothing to spare - the 'end'? an interesting prospect, this so-called 'end'.

i'd wonder sometimes how much more could i handle; another 100 years? 50? 10 months? 5 weeks? a day? there is going to be a massive hurdle, i can see it coming just over the horizon - you've made it over all the others - but what if you can't make it over this one? what if you trip and fall, and you can never get back up again? and even then, even with all the pressure, stress and emotion, how do you know this is the big hurdle - for all you know, the real thing could actually be just beyond the horizon, waiting for you. you could have fallen for nothing - or everything, and you wouldn't have a clue.

i'd keep that mentality in my head, and should i have a minor slip-up, or should i trip a step or two, or should i fall, and crash, maybe even burn for a bit, i'd tell myself 'you have to get up', and i'd have to keep moving, 'you don't know if this is it, you can't give up yet, there could be more to come'. what is to come could be happiness, actual, real elation, or it could get worse. pain, anguish and grief - the feeling of being stuck in an endless dark place, no where to go, no one to talk to. or not. i think i'd prefer euphoria.

i'd hope, that once that one hurdle had been crossed, the rest of life would be a breeze. everything would naturally fall into place - i mean, sure, there will be the occasional trip-up, but nothing major. all the pieces would begin to fit - a degree, a significant other, a job, family, house and life. but it's not that simple is it - no yes - well, maybe.

will it all work out in the end?
i don't know
i guess we'll just have to wait and see
who knows what's around the corner -- i sure don't.